AND FINALLY: Pull the rip cord

My skydiving instructor would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions. One guy asked: "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"

Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered "The rest of your life."

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OUR READERS' FINEST WORDS (All times and dates are GMT)

All comments are filtered to exclude any excesses but the Editor does not have to agree with what is being said. 100 words maximum

Gregor Ferguson, Sydney

A former Chief of Air Staff addressing the RAAF's Air Power Conference broke the ice by telling the story of a very nervous sprog with an instructor in a dual-control aircraft. "What happens if the engine flames out?" "We eject."What happens if the ejector seat doesn't work?""We jettison the candy and climb out manually.""What happens if the canopy hets stuck?""Well then, we undo our seat belts, turn around, kneel on the seats, drop our trousers and shove the joysticks up our a***s.""Will that help?""No, but it'll keep the board of enquiry busy for years!"

Graham Greenwood, Redditch

When I had RAF air experience flights in Chipmunks, as an ATC cadet, when a teenager, the Sergeant issuing the chutes just stated quite deadpan, if it doesn't work just bring it back, and we will issue another one! That was around 60 years ago!

Michael carrivick, Wokingham

It brings to mind an old adage, adapted for this: If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you'.

Gregor Ferguson, Sydney

Sounds rather like my old instructor at No. 1 PTS. Very black, deadpan humour.